The grieving process sets in....
Grieving is a process…it comes at different times and sometimes its like a wave! Last year at this time, I was living in a body that was failing me and I so desperately needed help and answers which I wasn’t getting.
I think this blog will be about grief/anger/knowledge and pain. I have no idea how I have come through this nightmare, when panic attacks started to take over me last year. I KNEW inside me, I had to go inward and deal with these emotions that were profoundly telling me you don’t have long…it was like a screaming voice over and over everyday in my head! I remember hearing a saying from a few years back about pain that kept creeping into my mind, PAIN> “pay attention inward now!” I had to try extremely hard to stay calm and strong which was the hardest experience I’ve ever had to do or things may have turned out differently! 11 months later and I find myself going through waves of emotions…I am learning day by day to except my new chest. I didn’t go through the grieving process back in 2010 after my double mastectomy, as I knew I was getting breast implants in 2011.
If only I knew about the dangers of all breast implant types, I would have NEVER went through with them! I have days of crying and anger towards Health Canada and the FDA and all these lying surgeons, including the one who told me these were safe! I was NOT told about the risks! You can not trust all of them…listen to that inner gut/voice when you go for a consultation and bring a list of questions to ask your surgeon which you can print off from one of my blogs, “breast implant illness and healing by Nicole.” It will help save your life!
Very important to find a skilled surgeon that will do full Capsulectomy/Enbloc removal as most will tell you the toxic capsules will dissolve over time…NO they don’t! They also tell you, it’s dangerous to remove the capsules from the ribs/muscle and the chest wall. I’m sad for the ladies I’ve met that are still suffering due to their surgeons leaving the toxic capsules behind. Now, they have to go back under with a skilled surgeon to remove them…just awful!! Dr. Pierre Blais a (former chemist for Health Canada) made it very clear to me, I must have every trace out of my body! I’m post mastectomy and I had 99.9% removed. Please watch on my previous blogs the professional top ten skilled surgeons doing Enblocs.
When I see people I know, that have these chemical bags in their bodies, it’s like they do not want to hear the 100% truth about them? Denial? If that was me, I would be reaching out to them and researching like crazy! I have to understand it’s their journey! There were several surgeons I interviewed last year that told me, I need to get a new set after the ones that were killing me came out. It’s a BIG money business just like the harmful effects of botox/fillers and there was NO way I would have gone with these surgeons or put another set in me! Life is so precious and is a gift.
Feeling so mentally beat up is how I can explain most days are for me... Until you’ve gone through a life changing experience (which for me, has been many) this effected my nervous system and I’m doing the work to get through it daily….I have even pushed people away as some of my friends have no idea what I’ve gone through. This has been so hard on me not socializing like I used to…I feel like I’m fighting for my life back…but, maybe this is the new me…or I learn to except and be gentle with myself and give myself time..I’m mentally hard on myself some days. I want it now! Lol…
I saw a quote the other day and have to share about PTSD. “It is important to recognize that PTSD is not about the past. It’s about a body that continues to behave and organize itself as if the experience is happening right now.” That’s like me, thinking about it most days. It doesn’t help that I still have a lingering bacteria from the biofilm that crossed over into my blood stream/organs. I see a infectious disease specialist referred by my doctor soon. Any type of sensations I get, automatically my brain signals the fight/ flight/freeze response. For anyone going through trauma, what I’m doing is focusing on one thing that can pull you back out of the darkness. Mine is my granddaughter Brinley<3 I am a work in progress…
Now, my next step is to get a portion back of the $18,000 US dollars. I am in contact with a lady from, “Out Of Country Claims,” in Victoria BC. It’s just another huge headache for me, as there is much to do!
“Don’t let it be the end of you..Let it be the beginning.”